Relationship troubles, but we’re just about to leave?!
Relationship troubles, but we’re just about to leave?!
Hi everyone,
I’m not sure where to post this, but I guess tips is what I need..
My boyfriend of a year and I are leaving for Southeast Asia on Monday.
Before we booked the tickets in January I’d found out he’d been essentially cheating on me via the wonders of the internet. He said that side of him had gone, and that a trip away before I start Uni would be great, plus we’re meeting up with 2 mutual friends later on for a month out there. So all in all it seemed a good idea.
Then the lies came out again. I seriously thought of cancelling the trip, and going off somewhere else by myself, but so much has been paid for (the flights and some hostels) plus we need to meet our friends out there because they’ll need our support (I’ve been out to SEA before, and they’re a bit nervous) and as much as he’s lied, I couldn’t leave him to go out there alone.
What can you do if the person you’re travelling with is someone you can’t trust? Has anyone tried mending a relationship on the road, or at least maintained an equilibrium until the return? I would be hugely grateful if someone out there had any experience or advice relating to this issue. Cheers :)
What can you do if the person you’re travelling with is someone you can’t trust? Has anyone tried mending a relationship on the road, or at least maintained an equilibrium until the return? I:)
If I was travelling with someone I’d need to trust them. If I couldn’t trust them then I wouldn’t go. Same goes for people I meet along the way… if I find them to be untrustworthy I’d move on.
Do you feel like you can continue the relationship? Sounds to me like you don’t want to put up with someone who cheats on you and treats you badly - then don’t. Go alone, go with your friends just don’t go with him.
I once split up with a guy knowing that he’d planned on taking me on a big holiday to USA to visit disneyland and NYC. I later found out he was going to propose and the top of the empire state (cheesy!). I’m glad I dumped him because there was no way I wanted to marry him. And I knew full well I didn’t have it in me to go on a 2 week holiday be in each others pockets, share a room with him etc when I knew I’d dump him the moment I got home.
Okay so maybe you can’t trust him in the relationship but surely you can trust him to travel with. It’s your call, how are things now?
Can you not go and meet your friends seperately? You’ve done it by yourself before so that’s fine. The fella sounds like a bell so sod him if he can’t. Once bitten twice shyand all that.
please please please cut it off now. do you really think he’ll change??? explain to your friends, they’ll understand. sell the ticket to one of his mates, or get HIM to give you the money for it as he’s f”£$ed it all up.
go somewhere on your own and let him miss you in SEA for a while.
i think by reading your post you know this is right.
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cant mend this.
yourgoing out with a guy thats not intrested. he will just tell you any old sugar coated bollocks that he thinks you want to hear so he can continue.
i agree with Fghammer others
fuck him let him do sea alone dont be a mug and go back for more. just gonna mess your head trying to pretend all is ok.
agreed. a couple days with this guy sounds bad enough but a lengthy trip???? unless you’re the calmest person ever i imagine this could only ruin your own experience out there and you could possibly end up going separate ways anyway so why wait. good luck with whatever you decide! x
Just wait till he sees all those Asian beauties. He’ll be like a rat up a drainpipe!
:-D
Just wait till he sees all those Asian beauties. He’ll be like a rat up a drainpipe!
:-D
Yeah he might even get married to the first one he meets ;)
Just wait till he sees all those Asian beauties. He’ll be like a rat up a drainpipe!
:-D
This comment for the win.
Emm…yeh…what can I say?
Bail. This is set up for disaster. I don’t mean this in a terrible way (although it’s going to sound terrible) but it doesn’t say much for you as a person if you go along with this.
Did I say that? Yeh I guess I did.
Unless you are both slutty then go nuts.
Wow thanks for your replies, everyone.
Ok, so it seems like the general gist is get rid now, and either go by myself, with friends, or not at all.
I’d love to. That’s what I’d really love to do. However, I’m going for it with him, not because I’ve forgiven him, or forgotten anything, but simply because of the upheaval it would cause. There’d be too many pissed off people if I were to dump him now, and some people may call it ‘no backbone’ and others may call it being a peace keeper. But travelling is a whole different ball game and if this trait still exists when we’re out there, well at least I’ll know for sure… If it ends up being awful, well I’ll just go off by myself and tell him to change his return flight..
Just for some reason, this feels like it’s something I need to do.. Maybe it’s just escapism from the reality of our relationship, but it does feel like it’s going to be make or break by the end of the 3 months. And then I’m moving cities for 4 years.. :|
Hugely grateful for all your responses, I know that most of you will be tutting and shaking your heads, because that’s exactly what I’d do. But like I say, it’s just something I’ve got to do. We’ll see what happen when we’re out there :) xx
Well, now that you have made a decision I hope it you enjoy your trip regardless of the overall outcome.
Check out an article I wrote about traveling as a couple. There’s a few things in there that might help you out:
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Why would people be pissed off if you broke up though? You’re in a relationship to be with each other, not to please other people :). (Yes it is easier said than done, I am all too aware of this!) You sound a bit like me, I will persevere and drag relationships on long after they should have ended, because I want to try and make them work. I did something similar, after me and my last bf broke up, we had just booked a holiday for 3 nights in Newquay, as we are still friends we decided to go anyway. (I say that loosely, we are still working through things). Fortunately we do get on really well and had a good time. But it isn’t something I would do again.
Good luck though, hope you have a good time!
n i hope it all goes well for you.
but you could easy go by yourself meet hundreds of ppl to travel with.
good luck. :-)
I need to meet this guy he’s got this sh1t on lock
Wow thanks for your replies, everyone.
Ok, so it seems like the general gist is get rid now, and either go by myself, with friends, or not at all.
I’d love to. That’s what I’d really love to do. However, I’m going for it with him, not because I’ve forgiven him, or forgotten anything, but simply because of the upheaval it would cause. There’d be too many pissed off people if I were to dump him now, and some people may call it ‘no backbone’ and others may call it being a peace keeper. But travelling is a whole different ball game and if this trait still exists when we’re out there, well at least I’ll know for sure… If it ends up being awful, well I’ll just go off by myself and tell him to change his return flight..
Just for some reason, this feels like it’s something I need to do.. Maybe it’s just escapism from the reality of our relationship, but it does feel like it’s going to be make or break by the end of the 3 months. And then I’m moving cities for 4 years.. :|
Hugely grateful for all your responses, I know that most of you will be tutting and shaking your heads, because that’s exactly what I’d do. But like I say, it’s just something I’ve got to do. We’ll see what happen when we’re out there :) xx
Who would be pissed off if you dumped him? Your friends… your family… what about you and how you feel? Surely they wouldn’t want you to stay in a relationship with a bloke who cheats on you and hasn’t treated you right. Have some self respect. By travelling with this bloke you are allowing him to walk all over you and treat you badly. You are letting him get away with it.
I think you will have some upset along your travels which is a shame when you could go away with a clear head from the start and enjoy being abroad without the worry what might happen.
