Travelling with your partner is a brilliant way to share in the wonders of the world and strengthen your relationship. It’s also a great way to get on each other’s nerves and bicker about petty nonsense more than you ever would at home.

Here are just a few of the stupid arguments I had with my girlfriend on a recent trip to Slovenia.

The Ugly Dog

Ugly dog

‘Please leave that dog alone.’


‘You’re annoying its owner.’

‘But look at its little face!’

‘The dog is ugly and I’m pretty sure it hates you.’

‘Well... now its owner’s annoyed.’

The Tight T-shirt

Fat Belly

‘Does this make me look fat?’

‘No, you look fine.’

‘Are you sure?’

Yes, I’m sure.’

‘You’d tell me though, right?’

‘Dave, it does not make you look fat!’

The Chinese Swear Word

Shocked Chinese lady

‘The Chinese tourists really love this cave.’

‘Should I shout the Chinese swear word I know?’

‘What is it?’

Ma bi. It means mother’s cu -’

‘DAVE! Shut up!’

 ‘It would echo so beautifully!’

‘Why are you such a child?’

‘A child wouldn’t know such a brilliant Chinese swear word.’

The Boob Shot

Tourist photo

‘Can you take a photo of me in front of this, please?’



‘Now can you take one that isn’t zoomed in on my boobs?’

‘No deal.’

The Pokémon Diversion

Pikachu banner

‘Can we go down here for a minute?’

‘Why? The restaurant is this way.’

‘I just want to check something.’

‘’s a Pokémon Gym, isn’t it?’


‘Oh shit, really? Okay, hurry!’

The Misplaced Confidence

Getting lost while travelling

‘It’s definitely this way.’

‘Dave, are you sure? Because I think -’

‘Trust me, okay; I have a great sense of direction.’

*a long time passes*

‘Why didn’t you tell me it was the other way?!’


The Soundtrack

Status Quo

‘Please stop singing Status Quo.’

‘But it’s the greatest song ever written by mankind.’

‘Now it’s stuck in my head. And now whenever I look back on our lovely walk through the Slovenian countryside I will think of Status-fucking-Quo.’

‘You’re welcome.’

‘Why are we even together?’

Rockin’ all over the world... sorry, what did you say?'