Definitely Not One for the Mums, Dads, Legal Guardians or Prudish
Disclaimer: some of these are funny, others brilliant, some absolutely disgusting and others everything that’s wrong in the backpacking world. Doesn’t that make you want to read on though? What they do all have in common are that they’re ‘interesting’ stories that made me go ‘ewww’, ‘haha’, ‘no way’ and sometimes ‘wow, people make me sad’.
The Confessions of a Backpacker Facebook page is definitely entertaining, and apparently more than 53,000 other people think so too. Here are my top of the tales from the past year, and remember, don’t shoot me, I’m only the messenger.
The poo story
Cairns, Australia So after spending like a month working as a housekeeper in Global backpackers you can see a lot of dirty things that happens in hostels, but this was the worst. This asian guy was in the dorm of a really good mate, my mate was sleeping and suddenly he start to hear his other roomate yelling at someone “wtf are you doing?”. My mate turn around and suddenly he sees a guy that had thrown up and is taking a shit as well as peeing. They called the night manager to let him know what was happening. “hello? theres a guy vomiting and taking a shit in our room!” The night manager is a bit confused said “pardon me?” They repeat to him whats happening and he go to the room and discover that everything is covered in shit hahaha. They had to call the ambulance and the paramedics slapped the asian pretty strong till he woke up and decided to then keep sleeping. The next day I had to go to the hostel to clean but I’d rather quit than clean that shit.. fortunately the poor night manager cleaned everything. The asian guy didnt give a shit and just had to pay a 15 dollar fine to each of the roomates and stayed in the hostel haha. Here its the picture so you can enjoy the scene!.. For sure somebody that was there those days in global is gonna remember this story! cheers!
There is an image, which is particularly disturbing.
Time for a confession
Sometimes you just gotta do, what you gotta do. At least this girl was nice and clean for her train journey.
Anthony sounds like the kind of guy you could take home to meet your parents. I wish him all the best in life. Period.
Australia When I was in Australia me and my mate pulled 2 Dutch girls 1 top bunk 1 bottom at Byron bay, think it wad base hostel not quite sure anyhow…we got back to the dorm I climbed up so did she and my mate and the other bird got in his bed so off we went both going for gold I wad turbo fingering her flat out and realised she got wet real fast so I got stuck right in there…im going to cut this short now, we done it all positions but waking up in morning couldn’t have been any worse she was infact NOT wet but ON and the dorm ended up with my hand prints all over the wall and sheets covered, turns out my mate on bottom bunk also had same problem but was lucky enough not to have the drama of the hand prints and just bed sheets covered in blood…moral of the story is the Dutch are absolute filth…
Get drunk in Mexico they said, It’ll be fun they said…
Was until someone got their ruddy camera out.
Packing list essentials
Goon, vibrators, condoms, vegemite, tamagotchi, drugs and some sort of sharp object seem to be popular on theirs. Although this particular contrasting one was my favourite answer…
Wow, a nice one
There are actually a few insightful answers in response to this one about quitting and rejoining society, promise.
So gross it’s got to be real
“Don’t ever lay in the blue hammock at La Brisa”
After reading this I can assure you, I won’t.
And we’re not talking Toadfish Rebecchi…
Australia I heard this urban myth that the Cane Toad secretes some sort of hallucinogen when aggravated, and if you lick their back then you get pretty high. Always up for new experiences, I promised myself that if the opportunity arose I’d give it a go.
A month or so later I was at a bar in Cairns where they were holding Cane Toad races and there must have been at least 10 of them for me to test my theory out on. My mates got me pretty licked (no pun intended) and dared me to see if there was any substance in the myth. After convincing the bar staff to let me molest their innocent amphibians, they announced what I was about to do on the microphone. I soon had a crowd of curious backpackers surrounding me so there was no backing out by this point. I had a pitcher of beer on standby, and I proceeded to lick about 4 of these Toads. They tasted absolutely vile and had to down my pitcher to try and get the taste out of my mouth.
Cutting a long story short, the myth is true, and I was tripping my tits off within an hour. Not just a little bit, fully spangled. It was like I’d done LSD or something! It had pretty much worn off by the next day, but every time I walked into that bar I was greeted by a chorus of ‘Tooooooaaaaaad’ by the bar staff.
Last one for you, a debate. Is it possible to find a piece of sweetcorn under your foreskin? This guy did…
Spain I was travelling on my own and met these two English guys in a hostel… As the hostel seemed to be full of Americans, Australians and South Americans and the London Olympics was in full swing, we decided to introduce our own sport. Sitting around the Olympic Rings made out of condom packets, we started to booze and made our way to a 5 storey mega club!
To our disbelief the toilets were communal and one of the English guys proceeded to make sweet love to a nice Italian girl (she spoke no English)… The following morning we were discussing out exploits (UK took gold) around a nice warm Irish Coffee when the boy who did the deed with an Italian girl complained about his penis itching. After a bit of STI banter he pulled it out for some closer inspection and pulled back his foreskin. All of the new book-ins and staff were horrified to see a chunk of sweet corn roll off his helmet…