Man’s ‘package’ scares airport staff

19th Jul 2012
Written by: Andrew Tipp

Man’s ‘package’ scares airport staff

Gigantic penis sparks security concern among officials

A man reported to have the world’s largest penis has sparked an airport security scare after staff believed he may have been smuggling a ‘suspicious package’ in his pants.

Jonah Falcon, 41, was investigated by the Transport Security Administration (TSA) at San Francisco International Airport after officials falsely suspected his Herculean member to be a weapon.

New York resident Jonah received a thorough patdown search from staff, was taken through a metal detector and X-ray scanner and even had powder sprinkled on his trousers to apparently check for explosives.

Jonah told the Huffington Post: “I had my stuff strapped to the left. I wasn’t erect at the time.”

One of the guards asked if Jonah’s pockets were empty, eyeing his bugling man-zone. “I said, ‘Yes, it’s my dick’,” Jonah explained.

The New Yorker revealed that staff made sure he carried no destructive capability in his underwear.

Jonah said: “He gave me a patdown but made sure to go around [my penis] with his hands. Another guard stopped me and asked me if I had some sort of growth.”

He added: “They even put some powder on my pants, probably a test for explosives. I found it amusing.”

Officials eventually realised that Jonah’s monstrous manhood posed no threat to the airport, although with his anomalous anatomy measuring nine inches flaccid and 13.5 inches at ‘full strength’ some might argue he does possess a weapon capable of doing serious damage.

Macca Sherifi, spokesperson for gapyear.com, said: “Backpackers are used to delays at airports, although they’ve probably never heard of a hold-up over the size of another traveller’s package.”

He added: “In a way, being delayed over the size of your member is a good problem to have. Regrettably, it’s never happened to me.”

Jonah Falcon is an actor who has appeared in Melrose Place, Law & Order and Sex and the City. But he is best known for his giant penis, which ‘rose’ to prominence in the 1999 HBO documentary Private Dicks: Men Exposed, and also featured in the UK Channel 4 programme The World’s Largest Penis.

Following his appearance on the HBO ‘cockumentary’ Jonah achieved minor celebrity status in the US. Despite multiple offers, he has decided to pursue a serious acting career rather than brandishing his colossal phallus in porn films.

Jonah also presents a phone-in TV baseball programme, meaning his professional profile is part-actor, part-talk show host and part-penis.

Guinness World Records does not include a category for gargantuan genitalia, so Jonah’s title of having the ‘world’s largest penis’ is technically an unofficial label.

Were airport security officials overzealous in their ‘handling’ of Jonah’s implausibly-sized penis? Is his extraordinary package a gift or a curse?

Stuck in a terminal? Read our guide to sleeping in an airport.

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