It was hot, mind blowing and by the time I’d finished I felt totally drained – just like all the best sexual encounters. I’d just scaled the giddy heights of the 7 floors of one the biggest sex shops in Japan, and the world, M’s in Akihabara, Tokyo. When I say 7, I really mean 6 as tourists aren’t allowed on that mysterious 7th floor, it’s for those in the know only. I’d love / hate to know what’s up there.
I won’t disclose how long I was in M’s (fascinating, absolutely fascinating) but for the time that I was I didn’t see one other woman. Not even a woman dressed as a man dressed as a woman – or similar. It was just me and around 100 of your average Japanese men sourcing butt plugs, glory hole lilos, fake bums sold by weight and a choice of over 50 lubes for their weekend entertainment.
Photos weren’t allowed and there were big signs to remind you everywhere. If anyone asks the following dodgy quality pics come from me leaning on my phone in my pocket, ok?
Signposts help the sexual orientation
Every section was clearly named, in Japanese and English – ‘Dutch Wife’ and ‘Go Anal Go!!’ were two of my favourites – and the aisles were kept small to fit in as much sexual debauchery as possible. Unfortunately, this meant pressing up to over-excited men as they were checking the vibrating efficiency of a whole range of toys as I tried to squeeze past. Ewww.
Of course there were the comparatively tame contents of your local Ann Summers to peruse – handcuffs, normal sized vibrators, nipple tassles and the like. Then there were the obscenely huge, how-would-that-even-fit, massive double-ended dildos, flaccid penises that looked like dog poo (why?) and nipple clamps designed to give you an electric shock.
Then, there were these tiny dolls (to make you feel like you have a big nob?), life-size dolls (don’t get that either, and £1230 – yikes!) and every size doll in between, all featuring that all-important hole.
Most disturbingly was this whole display devoted to ‘worn’ school girls’ knickers, whatever is in this box featuring a female pre-puberty, and this horrific looking piece of apparatus called a ‘My Diletto’. It promises ‘extremely exciting ways to truly experience epic orgasms comfortably’. Sounds like they got stuck on the ‘e’ section of the dictionary to me. Surely, if you’re bored of your rampant rabbit some sort of living, breathing male is better than shagging a zimmer frame with a nob attached?
There was a whole section devoted to wirelessly-controlled vibrators, another to anal beads and two whole floors dedicated to dress up. Sexy snowmen, sexy fairies, sexy school girls, sexy anime characters, sexy sushi… all your dressing up needs under one roof.
If there’s one thing that my little visit to M’s has taught me (there were more, much more) it’s that Japanese people like to party. Even if that party is just for one, and their latest and greatest rubber vagina plaything.