How to Annoy Your Friends on Facebook on Your Gap Year
If you want your friends to stay tuned and actually ‘Like’ and interact with your Facebook updates while you’re on your gap year, you’re going to need to keep them sweet. It’s quite easy to click on that unfollow button you know, and then where will you be? No friends land, that’s where. There’ll be no one to like your lying-down-hip-photo-by-the-sea, or your look-at-all-my-new-friends-pic or your awesome look-where-I-am pics.
Fact is you need to keep them entertained rather than annoyed to keep them away from that unfollow button. Here’s how not to do it.
1. Post every single meal you eat
Food photography is hard. However delicious the food may smell at the time, however tasty it looks in real life, you will never be able to get that across using your smart phone on Facebook. In the olden days of printed photos it was very rare you’d share a pic of your poached eggs on toast proudly to all your friends, but nowadays it’s a race to see who can upload their dinner first. This needs to stop.
Passive aggressiveness on Facebook is so annoying. Statuses like ‘Oh my god I can’t believe she did that’ or ‘Well there are definitely some people I don’t miss’ etc etc, without being specific, just serve to wind your friends up. The chances are the person it’s aimed at will never see it anyway. Just contact the person directly if you have something to say, yeah?
3. Check in queen / king
Give it up with the checking in already! Your friends do not need to know about every single place you go, they don’t care and it won’t actually mean that much to anyone when you check into ‘Funky Monkey’ in Bangkok. Leave it out, and try to retain an air of mystery for your return.
4. Track every single little thing you do
We don’t need to know / care about what you’ve done every hour of every day. Just get off Facebook and go out and enjoy yourself.
5. Update your profile picture too many times
There are only so many times your friends can take your array of oh-so-sexy duck pouts, your side selfies near the bathroom mirror, or your looking so good it doesn’t actually look like you shots. Just choose one and stick with it, for at least a month.
6. Post beautiful photos, every day
Yeah, yeah, you’re on a beach. We got that with the 10 pics you posted yesterday. Stop bunging up my newsfeed here in sunny England with your blue skies and sandy beaches out in Thailand, limit yourself to one a week. That’ll do pig, that’ll do.
No more needs to be said. Apart from the fact that duck selfies are the worst of them all.
8. Uninformed political opinions
We get it. You arrive in a new country, speak to a few people and suddenly decide that you know exactly how to sort out their drug / drinking / poverty crisis and that your Facebook friends are exactly the right people to hear about your revolution. Turns out they’re not, and at least five of them will see plotholes in your plan so leave the politics to the politicians, or at least someone with more than a passing interest in a whole nation’s future.
9. Humble bragging
‘Wore my new bikini to the beach this morning, all the pervy men were looking, so annoying!’ or ‘So hot here, can’t breathe! Wish I was at home’. These kind of Facebook statuses are definitely among the most annoying of them all. We can all see what you’re trying to do and it stinks of desperation.
10. Twitter Sync
God this is annoying. Please don’t link up your Facebook and Twitter to cross publish. It’s like sending an email and then printing it out and posting it to the person too. Pointless.
11. Tag your mates in irrelevant photos
If you really want to annoy your friends on Facebook while you’re on your gap year take an awesome image and then tag your mates in it saying something along the lines of ‘wish you were here!’. This is sure to get them at that unfollow button.
12. Excessive photo posting
Please don’t make us look through 150 photos of Angkor Wat. You may say it’s our choice whether to or not, but our obsessive side would disagree with you there.