Sketchiest Things That Happened in Caye Caulker
I loved Caye Caulker, I’ll just say that first of, but during my ten days there, there were some well sketchy things that went on. I’ll go from annoying to scary as hell.
1. Mean restaurant owners
It was chucking it down so my new friend and I found a restaurant to seek cover. We ended up making friends with the guy there and we decided together that we’d put on a pizza and movie night to get everyone on the island together. We started making flyers and he said that if we managed to get at least ten people he’d give us a free pizza. So off we went in the rain to give out these flyers we’d made on napkins and round people up to the night.
Fast forward three hours and we’d got the place buzzing. There were way more than 10 people in there and we were chatting to everyone as they knew who we were. We ordered pizza, they ordered pizza, all fun, games and money over the bar. Then the horrible manager – I’d already clocked he was a mean, mean man the way he talked to people – said that he wasn’t going to give us the free pizza “I’m running a business here”. Errr, we got all the people in to boost your business! He was so rude and dismissive of us, even though we’d dedicated our afternoon to getting people in and chatting to them so they felt comfortable.
Well obviously we left, after paying for the ruddy pizza, and we got everyone to come with us too. Dickhead.
2. Sex on the pier
Two people I met in my hostel got caught having sex on one of the piers. Yes, obviously they shouldn’t have been doing that, but as the police officers caught them and ‘took them to the jail’ they mentioned that they could just ‘pay the fine’ if they preferred. Of course they went for that option and ended up handing over a couple of hundred $$ for the police to line their pockets.
3. Drug dealers and police, in it together
So nice to see enemies working so closely isn’t it? Not in this case. The druggies and the popo have a lovely little racket set up in Caye Caulker. Stupid tourists try to get their mucky paws on some illicit coke, they ask a local, the local supplies, takes the money, and then dobs them into the police for a cut of the fine. One guy in my dorm room said he saw the dealer walk straight over to the police after their deal was done, so chucked his stuff, but still got banged up. “Worst night of my life,” he told me. He said he’d had to sit right in the middle of the room in a ball because there was piss and shit all around him and up the walls. They kept coming in and shouting at him and slamming the doors so he didn’t sleep. In the end he still had to pay a fine to get out.
4. Hostel owners in on it too
I knew it was time to leave when I realised the hostel was in on it too. So one of the people that work at Dirty McNastys was really annoyed with him when he came back. I thought she was going to give him a bollocking about buying drugs and having the cops at her hostel, but she bought him over to the window and pointed out a door on the other side of the hostel and told him “you’re in our hostel, we’ll look after you”. I was in the room at the time and couldn’t believe what she was saying.
5. Machete man
We were leaving the I&I bar at about 1am to go to Voodoo. My friend found a bike and was riding around on it but staying with the group. A local guy told her it was his bike, she asked if he wanted it back, he said no. Done. Then another guy, Aussie, who was in our group was laughing (just joking, no malice) and said ‘ar she’s stolen your bike’. And he got all up in his face and telling him to shut the f up and all that. Ten minutes passed and we carried on to the other bar. Then this local guy came up to me and held out his hand to shake and told me his name. I told him I didn’t want to shake his hand because there was no need to do that to my friend. Five minutes later and he walked up to the Aussie and smacked him round the face. Long story a bit shorter: he later came back with a machete. I’ve never been so scared in my life. He was obviously unhinged and who knows what he’d do. I saw him pull the machete then ran in to get my friends out. He got me on the way out and was trying to hug me and tell me he wasn’t going to do anything. I let him while my friends went to the hotel and then ran after them. My legs were shaking and I was pretty much hyperventilating. We all left the next day. What a dick.