Stupid Hippies in Ubud, Bali

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Stupid Hippies in Ubud, Bali

Updated 1 year, 8 months ago

“I have really sensitive gums and they like bleed when I do the hula hoop.”

I’m in Ubud in Bali at the moment and I definitely have mixed feelings. It’s somewhere I’ve wanted to come for years but now that I’m finally here… well… not sure if I even like it.

The girls in my hostel room are actually unbearable. I don’t think I’ve ever said that about anyone before. ‘Tatiana’, ‘Sparkle’ and ‘unidentified’ are not my kind of people. They’re annoying American, they stink, of BO. They have the traditional hippy uniform of the patchwork pants and a black top with no bra and hairy armpits. Two of them have the dreads, standard. Which doesn’t matter, that wouldn’t bother me. In fact there’s a moment in time when I could’ve gone that way myself. But over the past two nights I’ve heard their ‘hilarious’ story about managing to get some Indonesian guy to give them a free lift in return for a dance and another one buying their noodles for them about four times, and I haven’t even directly spoken to them. That’s before going on to say she’d just spent $100AUD on a blanket. And she was saying she was going to Berkeley – isn’t that some mega posh uni?

Other ridiculous dippy hippy quotes include:

“Oh my god I totally just had a breathing orgasm at my class. I felt sensations I never felt before.”

“I came back and I had like 16 friend requests.”

Tatiana: “This girl in our dorm is really ill.”
Sparkle: “Oh I totally thought I was going to be really ill, but then I was ok.”

“Yeah Tatiana said it was the gluten-free vegan chocolate milkshakes we had.”

“I have really sensitive gums and they like bleed when I do the hula hoop.”

“Oh my god, you don’t know Max Lewis? He’s like this incredible glow artist. I really admire him.”

“Macklemore used to be cool and then he just like totally sold out.”

Ubud seems like it’s filled with three kinds of people:

• Stupid hippies
• Indonesians wanting to sell you tat or a taxi
• Australians

The pollution here is crazy. I went out yesterday on a cycle ride through outer Ubud and that was really good. The two people on the tour who were in my group seem like the only normal people I’ve met and it was really good to see the rice terraces – that’s how I imagined Bali when I thought about it before. And the Monkey Forest was pretty cool too.

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