South America

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South America

Updated 8 years, 6 months ago

You all know how we were going from New Zealand to Fiji and then onto America, right? Well a slight change of plan... after a few cock-ups and a few more misunderstandings, flight changes, and general shenanigans... We´re in Chile.

Oh yes, you heard me, instead of Fiji we´ve wound up in Chile... Also been chatting to a guy called Big Leon, and we´re going to volunteer for a month at his animal rehabilitation centre in Ecuador... That´s right, I´m going to be looking after pumas, leopards, monkeys and macaws for a month... Sometimes I even impress myself with my spontaneity!

Well we left Chile after doing a lot of sleeping to try and sort out our jet lag... The problem was, we went on a South American airline, and they are all made for little, tiny South American people... rubbish...

So as I climbed into my mini seat, put my down my mini arm rest, drank my mini water and prepared myself for a not-so-mini 7 hour flight to Ecuador, I wasn´t in the most pleasant of moods... Especially not after I finally fall asleep watching Cheaper by the Dozen 2, in Spanish, on a mini television and the mini stewardess wakes me up to offer me a min meal of mini meat and mini mashed potatoes... Suffice it to say I was not a happy bear when we arrived in Quito...

No-one mentions as you get off the plane that you´re at 3000mtrs above sea-level either, and then you get mini airport staff laughing at you because you can´t breathe... that´s taken some getting used to!

Other than that we´ve checked into our hotel and have spent the last few days exporing all the sights Ecuador has to offer... in between World Cup matches... If anyone saw the Ecuador game yesterday, you can probably imagine what was happening on the streets over here! Although they do really need a new chant other than "Ecuador, Ecuador, Ecuador, Ecuador"... But still, quite the experience...

Annnyway, well on the Sunday we decided we were going to get the night bus to the coast to spend a week chilling out... but after the world cup final, Emma was more that a little bit pissed, and it ended up with us taking two taxis to the station, mine, luca´and bex´s cab arriving fine, but Em´s, Leon´s and Kate´s failed to show... so we waited... and waited... and waited... and... nothing... not even a pint of Guinness... so we went and got a hostel, emailed Em, and went to bed... then we got up checked the email and... nothing... so we watied, and we waited, and we waited and... 3PM we get a reply saying they got lost at the bus station or some such nonsense and had to go home to Santa Martha... bloody drunkards...

But we managed to get the night bus the next day, and Luca and Bex couldn´t get any sleep because they´re both fatties and couldn´t get comfortable... shame.. Me and Em had a fine old sleep... once again, shame Luca.

And now here we are on the beach, drinking cocktails for a pound at midday when we get up, sleeping in our bamboo shacks and body boarding all day... my, it´s a hard, hard, life!

We decided to stay on the beach for a few more days because the guy behind the bar took a shine to us... it may have been because we were ordering 40 coctails at a time during Happy Hour, but none-the-less he was our friend...

Anyway, the main reason for this blog is Luca getting into a stickier situation than when Sticky the stick insect got stuck on a sticky bun... Let me begin...

We left the beach and got on a rickity, makeshift excuse of a bus...which was basically a bench on wheels... and headed for the bus terminal. Once there we organised our lives and got on a bus bound for Guayaquil... ten hours away. Once we boarded however, it turned out to be the busiest bus in the world... half of Ecuador rammed into a 45 seater...

Well, after a couple of hours of standing, swaying and sitting on laps, we got our seats and prepared to go to sleep... which is generally what you do on long bus journeys... but at one point... Bex got up from next to Luca, and came down to chat to us... next thing we know, some random Pedro has jumped into her seat next to Luca... and they´re chatting...

Well, after a few minutes of Luca´s best Spanish... "Oi, mate, you need to move..." erm.... "Movo por favoro, my friendo is sittingo thereo"... Anyway, Luca then turns around to look for help and declares "This guy is the gayest man in the world.." and he´s all smiles and joking... until the guy starts stroking his leg...

Never have I seen such terror run through that boys face... and the fear was only made worse when the lights started to turn off...

Leaping six feet into the air, Luca somersaults out of his seat, clings to the roof of the bus, jumps into the aisle and sprints to us at the back of the bus... by this time the guy has just finished putting on his strappy, fingerless, leather gloves and is waving at Luca... who is now cowering behind Bex at the back of the bus...

So there you have it folks... ever want to shit Luca up... just sit him next to one of them gays and turn out the lights...

After that we haven´t done much... got a 24 hour bus to Lima in Peru... a country that has the most toss visa stamp I´ve ever seen... which was fine... apart from the fact that they only feel the need to put on the air con at night... so when it´s hotter than the sun in the day... no air... when it´s colder than an arctic wave at night... full air con... genius.

Well, we´re in Peru now anyway, just waiting around for a few days to get a bus to La Paz in Bolivia...

We arrived in Bolivia and spent a couple of days in the capital La Paz, which is the worlds highest capital city if youre interested... that means its really high up... not that everyone is stoned... although most people are in fairness.
We went white water kayaking down some Bolivian rapids in an inflatable kayak... quite the experience... I also got bundled out of my kayak by some amateur hitting the rocks... but not quite as bad as Bex who fell out of her kayak and ended up bobbing 300mtrs down the rapids on her arse... genius.

After this we got an overnight bus to Rurrenabaque which is where you go to do jungle tours... no we were a little confused as to why everyone was flying there when the bus was only 5 dollars... Turns out its because the bus has to go down the worlds most dangerous road and busses plummet 1000s of meters to the floor on a weekly basis... bugger...

Anyway, we headed to the jungle where we went on a couple of tours into the jungle, sleeping under mosquito nets and having to put up with pumas sniffing around you all night... but still really cool.

Then we went piranah fishing the next day which was pretty cool, and I caught quite a few of the bitey little bastards and knocked them on the head for tea... shame.

Oh, and we went hunting for anacondas in the swamp land... so there I was the intrepid hunter... chasing a 10 meter anaconda through a swamp that I was up to my neck in... caught it... wrestled it for a bit... then released it, satisfied that Id done a good job... so I headed out of the swamp, a triumphant man, walked about six steps, basking in my glory... and stood on an amazonian wasps nest... bastard.

So two thousand of the stingy little fuckers are chasing me acroos the plain, stinging me everywhere... I finally get away and Im lying on the ground, hurting more than when Shel Winters kneed me in the balls in junior school... and the guide comes staggering over- pissing himself... bloody Bolivians and their toothless laughter... if Id had any strength I would have fed him to the snake.

And thats about it... we flew back to La Paz as we couldnt face the road on a bus again, and now here we are.

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