Ping Pong Show in Phuket – not entirely sure it was sexy?

“Ping pong, Ping pong!” cries a man as I walk past. He’s holding a laminated sign with what looks like an itemised list of skills with the word ‘pussy’ repeated over the page.

It’s 9pm and I’m in Patong, the outlandish and seedy street of Phuket. Intense lights, dingy clubs ands Phuket hotels clash to form a blinding haze. People are literally everywhere.

Girls stand like half naked ornaments out the front of the many bars that make up the streets, flicking their hair and seductively waving skinny fingers, beckoning people inside.

It is the irksome persistence of this man carrying the plastic sign and his inability to let us walk past that wins our eventual consent to attend his show. He offers us free admission as long as we buy beers. Pretty sweet deal, I think to myself.

We enter a smoky room and find that we aren’t the only tourists that have been persuaded into watching tonight’s entertainment. The door shuts behind us and a tank of a bodyguard blocks the entrance.

A waitress comes over wearing sequin embellished underwear. She smiles and asks me to buy a drink for her practically naked friend who is suddenly sitting next to me. She wants to know my name, where I am from and thanks me a million times as I agree to shout her a beer. Its corona and is hugely overpriced.

Eventually, a pair of older women take the stage…

(Now ladies, before we continue – I must warn you not to try this at home. These shows are performed by ahem, professionals.)

Straight away one of the women spreads her legs and adjusts the split in her skirt so its facing the front. All her bits are on show. She wiggles her hips and from below- spits out a ping pong ball which bounces from the floor, into her hand. My jaw drops as she does this three times, each time washing the ball in a nearby glass of water.

The second lady takes over and adjusts her skirt. She reaches under and pulls out a piece of string- a long piece. It seems to never end and she uses her other foot to help momentum, creating some sort of spinning wheel with her legs.

In the next 15 minutes I see a vagina smoke a cigarette, shoot darts and regurgitate five gold fish and a bird. Like a car crash, my eyes can’t look away. The show concludes and she offers us the chance to pat the bird that is now released from the clutches of her talented vagina. I decline and order a drink instead.

I walk out of the show with my mouth wide open, my intrigued brain digesting what it’s just seen. The popular ‘Ping Pong’ show is one of the most notorious tourist activities in Patong. The local ladies perform multiple shows every night.

“Ping pong! Ping pong- same same!” interrupts another man.

I tell the man politely no- no thanks. I think once was enough for me.

I return to my hostel in a daze, trying not to remember the Ping Pong show, but somehow unable to forget.

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