Hello me again, gonna be a big update this time, so much has happened and so much booze has been drunk, even more so than the other countries!!

My Asia tour started in Singapore where I was due to met up with the rest off the group. All but one off the group were English including our tour guide and out of 14 people there was only 3 guys, I’m liking those odds!! Both myself and Paul my new (roomie for the next 3 weeks) turned up to the initial meeting with a jug off beer each, much to the laughter off our group and Charlie our tour leader, who knew his detox wasn’t gonna last very long!!

After the meeting we went for dinner and supposed to go to Raffles for a drink but seeing as I’ve already been there we decided to go for a drink elsewhere, so Paul, Sam and Max and I made a detour for the New Asia bar, on the 72 floor with amazing views and half price cocktails. A total result all round and from then on, I knew the four would get on like a house on fire and would have many more drunken nights out and by god I wasn’t wrong!!

From Singapore we went to Melaka in Malaysia which is a pretty small coastal town famous for some historical defining history reason or other but to be honest our tour leader told us when we were all relaxing in the jacuzzi after a 5 hour bus journey and I don’t think anyone was listening to him but I seem to remember its to do with the port and lots off countries fighting owning the rights to the port and therefore taxing ships coming through and taken the best goods off the boats etc etc..

So after five hours on a bus (fairly decent public transport) and a few interesting hiccups – i.e our taxi driver nearly running over a woman on our way to the bus station, (note don’t distaract driver by talking about football) and nearly leaving 2 of our group behind at Singapore customs (!) – we eventually arrived here! It was a gorgeous day yesterday and so we mainly spent it on the roof terrace in and out of this great big jacuzzi – hardship I tell you! Our hotel is really nice (apparently it’s all down hill from here)!!!

Last night we had a great local meal in the restaurant next to our hotel and then headed for a bar where we all got rather drunk, with me, Paul and Charlie getting extremely drunk!!! It started off with a few beers in the bar and watching Everton spank Crystal place in the football and then a few flaming Sambokas then met this Malaysian guy who kept buying buckets of beers in order to show us how friendly Malaysians are! Needless to say we all think Malaysians are wonderful friendly people! But this obviously didn’t satisfy myself, Paul and Charlie as we decided to possibly the worst shots know to man!! They were tequila suicide and the women’s revenge or Cement mixer whatever you prefer to call it!!

Tequila suicide involves snorting the salt, squeezing the lemon into your eye and the easy bit off drinking the tequila!! Well after doing this in both eyes we felt and looked totally terrible but the pictures are totally amazing!!! But worse than that in my opinion is the women’s revenge where you swirl a shot off lime cordial in your mouth and don’t swallow it, then a shot off Baileys and mix the two together shaking your head around like a mad man for a minute……..If you don’t know what it tastes like give it a try sometime……That pretty much finished me off that night all I remember was doing some very stupid dancing (no change there then) and raiding 7/11 for crisps and Vitamins!!

The next day we didn’t get up till lunchtime and didn’t feel too bad which Im amazed about as I though we would be dying but surpassingly not too bad but didn’t do that much for the rest off the day just looked around what there was off Melaka and played Monoply in the afternoon and had another super cheap lovely meal in the evening.

From Melaka we moved on to Kuala Lumpur the capital of Malaysia and it was bloody humid, easily the most humid place I’ve been to so far especially as it’s the start off the monsoon season. While in KL we visited the Sky tower which gave fantastic 360 views off the city and luckly we went early before it got too hazy but it did have possibly the most cringe worthy auido ever!! After another damm fine lunch we visited the Petronas towers probably the most well known landmark in KL and to be honest the view wasn’t as good as from the Sky tower but the acutal building was amazing especially the video off how it was made and how long it took and went to a theme park with a superb roller coaster inside the shopping centre.

The main sport in KL is shopping, something I’m exceedingly good at!! The shopping centres were fantastic especially looking around expensive Gucci and Verschace shops but highlight was the night market. There was so many stalls mainly selling watches and dvds I bought a new pair off wrap around Oakleys, six CDs and a wicked pair off diesel shorts all for under a £7 or £8 a total bargain!! Sam bought some sunglasses a bad ass Paul Frank t shirt and a Gucci watch which sadly didn’t last too long!! So to celebrate mine and Sam’s superb bargains and excellent bartering techniques we decided to go for a drink, so we dragged Paul, I say dragged he didn’t need much persuasion to the Cuban bar over the road where me and Paul drank the barrel dry off Skol (the only other draught choice was Carlsberg and I can never drink that being a blue) and Sam had free frozen margaritas, only given to women, how very sexiest indeed!! There was also Salsa band playing so we got dragged up to dance with the very attractive lead singer where I woooeedddd her with my outstanding drunken ala Goddard Salsa dancing technique sadly it didn’t work but it made her night Im sure!!!

The following night it was Nikki one off the girls from our tours birthday so off we went out to celebrate to a local club/bar, which had a huge paddling pool full off beer cans. To get the beer cans you had fifteen seconds to get as many cans as you can but the catch being you had to be female where goggles which you couldn’t see out off and stay on the little rubber boat at all times!! Well the girls didn’t think this was very fair so somehow they managed to convince the bar man that they should all go in, fully clothed and just grab the beers!!!

Well he agreed and the rest off the night is a blur but I remember not going in the pool but still ending up wetter than everyone else when they decided to splash me!! But worst was still to come, as me and Paul were soaking wet we decided to take our shoes and songs off and leave them by the beer with everyone else but somehow in between standing right by them and going off dancing for a while some little toe rag stole them!! Including my wet smelly socks!!! BASTARDS!!! Anyway im over it now and god bless you my little brown shoes we had many a night out together, and if you shoes could talk, the stories they would tell……..Well anyway I’m talking rubbish now…… I’ll never forgot you or replace you.!! RIP My Brown Shoes

So after the night now known as “Shoe stealing” night we were off to the beautiful Cameran highlands. Our “tour leader” not guide, he could be arrested if he’s know that….not quite sure how that works but still I didn’t argue….Anyway Charlie said he had booked us a VIP coach as we were such a good group and it was nicky’s b’day. However when it pitched up we found out that he had been sorely ripped off and instead we had to get on this rattling old bus that didn’t go above 40 km (yes km not miles) and took ages to get up a tiny tiny slope! Oh and none of our bags fitted in the hold so we had to put them in the aisle and climb over them to get out! Very funny indeed especially playing Pictionary on a laptop using Paint that made the time pass pretty quickly and playing the word association game, where we discovered that Max and Sam are filthy every innocent word would always turned into some sexual reference, girls aye you gotta love em and their mums would be so proud!!

Anyway after changing buses as the original would never off made it up the bus, I helped Charlie move all the bags onto the other coach, as I’m nice like that, oh what a mistake that was I managed to bend my thumb all the way back without it snapping and instantly it swelled up like the Elephant man, bloody painful and scary!! Luckily we had three nurses on our trip who bandaged it up and from then now onwards I was affectionately known as the Claw!!

The guesthouse in Cameran highlands was lovely and fantastic to have a double bed again. That night was spent playing cards mainly Shithead which the girls kept winning and making us finish our drinks and doing chores for them with Charlie again looking a little worse for wear by the end off the night!!

The next day we set off on all day sight seeing tour. We went to a tea plantation although the land rover that we were in broke down going up a hill and we had to walk it instead until we got picked up! Apparently this one tea plantation that we went to that is owned by a scotsman who harvest tea leaves that makes 820,000 cups of tea per day! Tried the tea and it was lovely. Then went on a great jungle trek which was a bit tricky with only one hand for balance and oh did the girls moan, which was a bit off a theme for the trip!! (Max, Sam, Jenny and Nikki excluded) and a walk to a fairly feeble waterfall but it was a good walk. Also went to a strawberry farm and had a great strawberry ice cream with real strawberries and to a butterfly farm – stunning butterflys and flowers although also saw scorpions and a snake eating a mouse!

We also went to a local village where they taught how to kill animals with a blow dart, apart from we shot it at Flip flop so not quite so manly but still cracking good fun and so wanted to buy one, so I can shoot my mates when I get home!! That night was spent playing cards without about half off the group a great night was had and lots off drinking forfeits took place and I seem to remember smoking a big fat cuban with Ollie and Charlie and talking about man stuff, sadly didn’t have any brandy thou!!

Last stop in Malaysia was Penang not the nicest off places just another city really and especially after the most beautiful Cameran Highlands so myself, Max, Paul and Sam went off to Langkawi island which was amazing, beautiful beaches and seas all to ourselves and you can see Thailand in the distance and if you swam to it you’d probably be there in a couple off hours. We stayed here for the day drinking cocktails in a very posh hotel and swimming in the gorgeous clear blue water, superb stuff.

So that was Malaysia had an amazing time, met some fantastic people and I hope Thailand is as good if not better.


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