Thonged bikini’s…..part 2
The weekend innevitably rolled on and so came July 4th weekend, and another trip to the lake house! For every one who doesn’t celebrate July 4th weekend (unless its your birthday on that day it should be 100% of you) you could be excused for not knowing anything about July 4th. However with the influx of american crap to our TV’s these days its hard not to know more than the average american does about american culture and celebrations, so I’m sure most of you get the general jist of what its all about. For those of you who dont watch Friends, Will and Grace, The Simpsons, Seinfield, Frasier, Sally Jesse Raphael, Jerry Springer and so forth, July 4th is a celebration of victory, a victory of war, a victory of independance, a victory over the British!
So naturally its a weekend for all us english coaches to get together and poke fun at americans for being fat and stupid, to mock them over the fact that there the most hated nation in the world, to laugh at them for electing a man who strongly resembles a chimpanzee as their president and to gloat at the fact that we once ruled them although they have never ruled us (officially) (though the fact that we currently owe america hundreds of billions of pounds kinda keeps us in their pocket for a few years longer). Never the less, coaches all over america were striking a blow for the English….that is unless you got roped into spending an entire weekend with a family, a family that includes one very patriotic grandad, one who hates the english for their occupation of america, one who hates the english for the way they treated the Irish in the 19th Century and one who hates the english for the way that we are so…english. Being around this man on the 4th July may not be such a good idea, especially as he frequently re-enacts battles where he kills the english with his toy muskett, it is a toy muskett…right?
With that in mind I stayed out of his way for most of the weekend! Instead I spent the majority of my time on the boat. I began by tubing (being tugged by the boat on a big inflatable ring) with the boys, after a few hours of this, I decided it was time to play with the men (again no silly or immature puns or jokes)….I was going water skiing!
It looked pretty easy, all you had to do was stand up and hold on….the rest I would pick up later. I put my life vest on, strapped my feet into the ski’s, put the skiing gloves on to stop my hands from blistering….held onto the roap, had a quick look around, noticing that the majority of the family had decided to make their way to the garden to watch me ski. The roap tightened, the roar of the engine increased as Jeff accelerated out onto the lake, the rope pulled me through the water and I began rising, rising out of the water, higher and higher. I stood up, I stood up dead straight, I began to lean a little bit forward and a little more forward…and a little more forward, until I eventually went face first, smack, straight back down and into the water. My fall was greeted with a cheer by the crowd. How glad I was that they found my face plant so amusing, if only my face wasn’t so numb, perhaps I could raise a smile with them (I hadn’t however lost the feeling in my middle finger, so I decided to give them a curteous finger…under the water of course)
Four face plants later and I was finally up, up and running. And as the weekend went on I began to pick up this skiing lark, in fact by the end of the weekend I had become so confident I was able to move myself in and out of the wake,when I chose, hang on with one hand, wave to the people on the shore, all without falling flat on my face!
The wakeboard however was another story! A wakeboard is like a snow board, both feet on one board. Its a lot harder to get up and stay up, but what the hell! I was mastering the ski’s, this shouldnt be much harder. I strapped myself in, grabbed the rope and held on as I was dragged up. No sooner had I been dragged up, i was falling down again, I felt the board fall off my feet and in a split second a made a decision that would cause me a lot of pain. You see, when you fall, your supposed to let go, but with me being all ‘what the hell’ I decided “what the hell” and hung on, jst for a bit of fun! Well a split second after the signal had travelled from my brain, down through my spine and into my hands telling me to hang on, I noticed an excruciating pain in my head. I immediately let go and began bobbing up and down in the water. I was in agony! The water had rushed into my face at such a speed that it had got inside my ears and done some damage to my ear drum. Very painful, very very painful! I was dragged back in the boat, I rested, i tried to relax, and luckily the pain went away. It went away for the whole afternoon, until I decided to have one last go on the tubes. At full speed turning a corner, my tube flipped and I was tossed into the lake. I was fine for ten minutes or so, then came the pain!
For the next two hours I was in agony! And there was nothing I could do about it! I had a couple Co-codamol, that didn’t help. I had 3 or 4 Ibruprofen, that didn’t help and I was beginning to become desperate. I decided to take another few co codamol and ibruporfen. I then put some drops in my ear that were supposed to help soothe it. I layed on the couch for a while before dinner was served. I was feeling a little queesy and a little nasious to say the least. Just as I was about to sit down, Jeff handed me my last Blue WKD, I’d saved it for this very nite for two weeks. A toast was made and I had to drink it. This was a very bad cocktail! It annialated me, I couldn’t move, when someone asked me a question I couldn’t speak (luckily someon explained for me that it hurt to move my jaw, therefore I couldn’t talk or eat very much). I just sat there for an hour totally numb. When I finally regained the ability to walk, I went back to the couch and lied down for an hour till I felt a little better. I slept very soundly that night.
I know its not very rock and roll, but its as close as I’ve ever been to overdosing!
And so that explains the bikini’s the neon lights, the excruciating pain and the overdose. And i bet you thought I had a story about a buxom blonde who i met in a dodgy bar who was into bondage and illegal drugs!
Back to reality this week, as I began my chores again. I even started watching Dawsons Creek repeats to try and broaden my vocabulary, I bet Joey and Dawson could give anyone a run for their money on Countdown, with all the big words they use!
And to wrap everything up, why mite this be the last entry for a while?
Well I’ve just found out today that I’me being sent to a land far far away…pensylvania (not where Dracula comes from) some place near Philadelphia. I embark on this mission on Sunday and I’m not entirely sure if I’ll ever be back in Trumbull (where I have the ability to sit at a computer for hours writing reams and reams of crap to people who probobaly dont even read the entries ). So I have no idea when I’ll be able to update you again *huge sighs of relief fill the air*
So for now, its Au revoir