Pre-amble: the emotional up and downs thus far

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Pre-amble: the emotional up and downs thus far

Updated 4 years, 1 Month ago

1st Oct 2012

As I sit here in the bath, with stinking flu symptoms caused by my many delightful vaccinations, stressed out of my mind about money, campervans hire and a hotel for New Year's Eve, knowing ill come home tomorrow merely £50 richer and covered in playdough, wee, food etc, I really wonder whether it's worth it.

I even had a look on google maps earlier, just to scout how large Australia actually is, and it's pretty big, much bigger than I'm imagining when I discuss with everyone who will listen that I'm off round the world. The conversation follows this pattern: 'Ive just qualified as a primary school teacher, but I'm taking a gap year to go travelling'

'Oh lovely, where are you going'

'Thaliand, Singapore, maybe Bali, then the east coast of Australia in a campervan and then New Zealand'

'Oh, are you going with friends?'

'Yep, me, my boyfriend, my brother and one of my best friends'

'Oh lucky you, that will be amazing, I wish I could do that/I'm so jealous/I bet your so excited!'

And most days, I am, for most of the time. And then the next minute, I'm crying my eyes out and declaring I'm not going because I will miss Jonny so much, and I'm completely incapable of getting us all around Thailand safely.

In my worst nightmares, that plague me in idle moments of my day, like when I'm checking the kids at nursery aren't too warm whilst they sleep or drying up the just-washed toys, I worry we will be forced into the sex slave trade because they stop me at the boarder and take me prisoner for smuggling perscription cocodomol into the country, thus we become an act in the ping ping shows, have our heads shaved as we've contracted nits that just aren't allowed in Singapore, and when we are finally freed, we come home tanless from the freezing conditions expected in New Zealand (sorry, got a bit esoteric there)

Hopefully tomorrow, when I've had some sleep and flu medicine, nothing will feel so drastic, and hopefully in years to come, I'll think all this illness and stress were worth it. Here's hoping anyway.

8th oct 2012 4:25 am

So the anxiety filled sleepless nights kick in. Joy.

14th Oct 2012 00:09

Got absolutely shit faced on 3 large glasses of rosé last night with the girls from work and am disgustingly hungover as a result. Been sick through my nose. Will definitely have to watch my alcohol intake when I'm away- buckets will probably be unwise!

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