I’ve come home.

This will be the last blog of my trip, due to the fact that the trip has come to an end. A very sudden end. Those who have travelled will now that when you're drifting around the globe discovering new things it feels like you're travelling at 100mph. You are always active. Then you come home, and it feels like you've hit a brick wall. Time stops, everything is the same, and when you ask people what has happened since you've left, they say 'nothing'. 😀 Haha Still, don't let this sound as downbeat as it may well do. I am happy to be home with a routine.

Well I say routine, haven't got a job yet. Should have one soon. I'm just a bit wary of working with my Ex whom I haven't seen since my departure and indeed her new fat, welsh, dickhead boyfriend. 😕 I'll get back to what's acuring now later in the blog. For now though, where we we? Queenstown?… On 8th July I met Keith in the reception of Nomads in Queenstown. I'd met Keith previously on the bus, he's a pretty sound bloke. But he's extremely drab, and Irish. Being Irish isn't a problem, I'm just keeping you in the know alright? God are you Irish or something?… So – me, Keith, Paolo and Camille whom I'd met in the hostel kitchen, got on to the Stray bus and headed for Mt Cook. Although long, the journey there was the most spectacular of them all. There were snow-capped mountains and powdered hills as far as the eye could see. It was truly stunning. The snow was however the reason the journey was so long. Because it covered the roads. Making them un-accesible. And closed. Still, we got there in the end, to Alpine Lodge. This reminded us all a lot of 'The Shining', it was a scary and quiet lodge based in the middle of nowhere. Actually, they had 'The Shining' on the telly that night – odd. The view outside the lodge was mesmorising. Everything outside was covered in snow and there was quite a thick mist which made it even more awe inspiring 🙂 When we checked in to the lodge, we were offered a specail deal which included a meal, a bed (obviously), a drink and a 3D movie about Aoraki/Mt Cook showing at The Hermitage, a large hotel that was about a 10 minute walk away.

At least, it should have been a 10 minute walk away. I bought this package, I was the only one to buy the package. Looking back, I can understand why nobody else bought the package. Anyway, I bought this package, and straight away I set sail for The Hermitage to see the 3D movie. 'Sail' is a fairly accurate term too, as I was walking on frozen water whilst being battered with snow. That was cool, at first anyway, until I returned with soggy shoooo…well soggy everything as a matter of fact. Still, the movie was, although a bit pointless in parts, good. One man particularly enjoyed it, gasping and saying 'oo' and 'ahh' about every 2 minutes. My meal and drink were also good. I had Fish and Chips and a beer – standard 😉 You may have noticed I'm writing in considerable, maybe even over the top, detail. You see, I haven't much left to talk about and I'm bored. Therefore, I will make these last fews weeks of my travels fairly descriptive. Until I get bored of writing then feel I should muddle through. Anyway, we'll digress… On the 9th…OH NO! I forgot the beer story. By far the most tense story of all my travels. It is one of great peril and adventure. Try to relax, as I enthral you with a tail so shocking, and so enchanting that you won't be able to keep your eyes off the screen. It was getting dark, and me and Keith were getting bored. We'd eaten. We'd talked. We'd grown tired of each other. We'd come to the conclusion that the only source of recreation for this lonesome blistering winter night, was beer. There it lie, under Keith's bed in our room just a short walk from the social lounge in which we were sitting. We could have easily walked to the door, opened it with the extremely unreliable electric keys, which actually could have slowed down the 'fetching beer' process, therefore rendering this excercise as less easy then I made out at the start of this sentence, and grabbed the beers. All fifteen of them.

But, there was a problem. Because, in that very social lounge in which we were currently based, you weren't allowed 'bring your own' alcohol. Me and Keith pondered. We pondered long and hard in to the early minutes of what was probably about 10pm. Then it struck me. I came up with a devilish and cunning plan. 'What if', I said, leaning forward in a momentary mood of confidence. 'What if, we buy two pints of beer'. 'Mmm', Keith murmered, he too leaning forward. 'We drink the pints of beer'. 'Yes', Keith followed. 'And once we've finished the two pints, we keep the glasses, go and get a few bottles of OUR beer, then sneekily fill the very glasses in which the first and formost purchsed beer was sitting in…with the contense of the bottles of beer we fetch from our room.' With this, I froze. I staired nervously in to Keith's eyes as they appeared to glaze over. I couldn't tell if this was amazement or detest for my idea. 'I don't believe it'. Keith whispered. 'I don't believe it'. I began to tense, getting ready for fight or flight as I gingerly leaned back in my wing-backed chair – feerful for what Keith's following actions would be. He appeared to dislike my concept. 'I don't believe it' Keith repeated again. Louder this time, with a sense of blazing frustration. 'I don't believe it!' Keith grew redder in the face now and he approached with locked arms, slowly but surely 'I don't believe it!' Belting at me now, agitated and perturbed like never before.

I felt my tummy rumble, and just as I felt my bladder started to give way, Keith grabbed both my arms, shook me with a single violent thrust, glared at me dead in both eyes 'Travis, I don't believe it! You utter, utter genius! Ha ho!' Keith lept toward me, giving me an almighty hug. He patted me on the back thrice and recoiled, smiling with his heart's content. Oh the joy! The relief! We high fived, we hugged, we bumped fists and we chugged. The last remnants of our beer of course 🙂 There were 'hoorays' and 'hoorahs', loud cheers and 'hazzars'. We were absolutely thrilled. But all this good cheer collapsed, as we soon fell silent and realized we may have attracted some un-wanted attention from the locals of Mt Cook. And I can assure you, although the locals have limited numbers, small they are not. And unarmed, they are most certainly not. And shoot they will if you do not keep your head down and follow their lead. With this realisation, Keith and I slumped in our chairs and quietened until the cold eyes surrounding us returned to the sight of their cool pints and big-bossomed mistresses.

About a half hour later I noticed Keith's gaze focusing from me, to the exit, then to here empty glass. Then again, he gazed to the exit, then to me, then to his glass. I gave a solitory and defiant nod, maintaining strong eye contact with Keith and he stood slowly with a defiant boldness. He placed his empty on the small cofee table in front and set afoot for the exit of the social lounge. I swept up Keith's glass and laid it amidst my arm-pit. There it lay till he returned looking rather sheepish if I must say so. He sat and I passed his glass over. He quickly took both our glasses and placed each one on the floor under the coffee table. We both did one final scan of the room to see that nobody was looking before Keith began to poor both bottles in to our empties. Keith then simply put the empty bottles in his large jacket pockets, and we both sat back, relaxed and sipped on two glasses of cool refreshing Speights.

How's that for a story! I'd like to apologies. Clearly, not all of that story was strictly true. Also I could have summed up the beer story in small paragraph. However, I'm bored and if I say so myself, that last paragraph was a pretty damn good read, no? Anway, we'll press on again….quickly. Sooooooo, on the 9th of July we went from snowy, coldy, fairly boring-y Mt Cook to Rangitata. Home to one of the best NZ hostels I stayed in. That night we watched 'Lord of The Rings 3' and 'Ocean's Eleven'. I wanted to watch the first LOTR, but I got outvoted 😥 Still, our stay there was all jolly nice and lovely and things…. 10th: Damn, I just realised I used lots of interesting adjectives and what not for that silly beer story, and I should have saved them for Kaikora. For that was by far my favourite place in NZ, and maybe even of the whole trip. Tell you what, seeing as I'm tired this night of writing, I'll come back to this blog full of fresh words and shit to describe Kaikora. I'll probably be brief about it anyway, but I want to go to bed – so I shall. Goodnight. tbc

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